Trippin' the Northwest

Weirdness Is In Vogue In My Trailer Park

2011-09-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

At the moment I do not live in a trailer park, and it has been many years since I was ripped away from the comfort of the 9 x 40 where i spent my first few formative years. Over the years I have become friends with many a trailer park resident. Weird friends. My wife says I attract them. I love them though, I really do. I love weird people. I have had more weirdo friends than I can keep track of. Goths, Trekkies (I am talking dress up as a Klingon speak the language fluently Trekkies), D&D dungeon masters, Amway salesmen, manic-depressives, meth-heads, Pokemon masters, and many many more. I have pondered why these people cross my path (seeing as I do not live in a trailer park) and inevitably connect themselves in some way to my life. I like to think it is my non-judgmental and accepting nature, but I think the real reason is this: I am just plain fascinated by their oddness. I truly cannot get enough of it. I sit enraptured as I am regaled with stories of level 50 paladins, how episode 44 of the original Star Trek is in direct conflict with episode 103 of Deep Space Nine, and how I will make hundreds of thousands of dollars by getting all my friends to sell Amway for me. So make yourself a trailer park friend. They will be you friend forever (really, you can't get rid of them) and your life will be better for it.

Vacant

2011-09-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

The Car of Shame: Part Deux

2011-09-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

So your thinking, "oh dat don look none too bad", right? The problemo is yous sayin' it tru da the gap in yous teef! The gap yous a missin' cuz you try to open dat longneck wit yo toof.

Oregon Day-glo Ducks

2011-09-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

So what is with the Oregon Ducks uniforms? I mean the black is ok but the chartreuse is almost nauseating. Why change a good thing? Go back to Green and Yellow and prevent a few seizures in the process.

Tough Guy Moira

2011-05-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Moira obviously has a lot of time on her hands.

Star Wars Day

2011-05-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you.

Wrong On So Many Levels.

2011-04-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

1. Cornmeal on pizza.

2. Ketchup on anything other than french fries and hamburgers.

3. Tapioca

4. Eating tapioca while watching Dirty Jobs.

5. Cottage cheese in Jello fruit salad.

6. Jello fruit salad.

7. Any type of meat suspended in Jello.

8. Puppy farts.

9. Creamed corn

10 Creamed corn scented Moira farts.

11. Animals eating their own poop.

12. Letting an animal lick your face after eating its own poop.

13. Chili mac.

14. Burnt hair.

15. Royal weddings

16. Goats.

17. Goats at royal weddings

18. Pineapple on pizza

19. Pineapple on pizza with cornmeal.

20, Chuck Norris in a musical.

21. Musicals.

Coving Musks

2011-04-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks.
Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks.

Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks.

Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Coving musks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks.

Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks. Moving sucks.

BFA Show

2011-04-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

Final BFA show in the Ridenbaugh Gallery

Artist Statement

Personal space is something we all deal with in some way or another on a daily basis. We all have personal body space. Sometimes that space is closely guarded and outsiders are kept at arms length. Sometimes our personal body space is small yet we welcome intrusion into it with open arms. Space is individual as well as communal and is connected to our bodies and to our community. My installation deals with comfortable and uncomfortable spaces and how they are shared or kept private within the community. Each piece has its own individuality but is part of a group or neighborhood of spaces. The dimensions of the pieces are based on my own dimensions as well as the dimensions of people I know, becoming in essence portraits of the individuals. The objective of this body of work is to not only come to grips with my own issues with space but to ellicit a reaction from the viewer as they deal with their body space in relation to my body space and the body space of others.

Lu Lu

2011-03-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

BFA work - I am finally done!!!

2011-03-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

I finally finished my last piece for my BFA show. Here is the poster for the show printed and designed by Hunter Grosse. Pictures of the pieces that will be in the show are below.

Friday March 25th

4pm to 6pm

________________________

Portrait of Curtis

Mixed Media

80" x 30" x 32"

_____________________

Portrait of Jeanne

Mixed Media

______________________

Self Portrait

Mixed Media

64"x32"x32"

Slacking

2011-02-17T19:23:00.000-08:00

I have been slacking when it comes to posting my in progress photos, so today I am finally posting some for the three or so people who follow my blog. Let me know what you think.

Portrait of Jeanne

Mixed media

2011

So this is the latest piece. I have finished it since this picture was taken (I will try and post new ones soon). It now has a doorknob and the inside moulding on the door and window is red.

Self Portrait

Mixed media

2010

This is the first piece I constructed and I was really dissatisfied with how it looked just sitting on the ground and more dissatisfied with it sitting on a white pedestal. So I added on a basement to take care of the problem and I think it worked out quite nicely.

Portrait of Curtis

Mixed Media

2011

Here is my in progress piece. I have another one in progress as well and will post photos soon (meaning anywhere from a week to a month from now).

Work in Progress

2010-12-15T22:23:00.000-08:00

Portrait of Jeanne

Interior

The door I fabricated

Close-up of window

Close-up of panel

Self Portrait

2010-11-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

Here is my latest sculpture titled "Self Portrait"

Dimensions: H 32" W 32" L 32"

I have one or two more photos of the finished piece with the door on it.

I'm Feeling a Little Brainy

2010-10-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

I needed a brain for Halloween. After asking for volunteers and receiving no response, and as I still need my brain for another year or so, I decided to sculpt one. I think it turned out pretty good and I didn't have to risk jail time to get it. It was an educational experience as well. I was sitting at the dining room table carving it and my daughter walked in and said "Oh look, the frontal lobe, temporal lobe, and cerebellum (She wants to be a brain surgeon — or a fashion designer — or both, part-time). Gotta love the brain!

Finally Some New Work

2010-10-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

I have been delinquent of late on my blog posts so I thought I would post some new finished work as well as some works in progress. The paintings are my Senior Studio project and the sculpture will at some point fit in there as well.

My Latest Sculpture

Wood and Canvas. 16' long, 5'4" at Large opening, 29" at small opening.

BFA Paintings

Valve #1: 9"x 13", acrylic on canvas

Valve #2: 12"x 12", acrylic on canvas

Valve #3: 9"x 13", acrylic on canvas.

Valve #4: 12"x16"

Valve #5: 16"x 16", acrylic on canvas.

McNair Project Finished - Really?

2010-08-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

So I am pretty much done with my summer research. Presented my work at the National McNair Conference in Detroit and turned my paper in on Friday. I am so done. Well not quite done. I had my completed paper ready to send and then MS Word went on the fritz and rearranged my paper and images for me (wasn't that nice?) and then rejected any image I tried to add. This after my wife edited it for me, sent me her suggestions and corrections. Man I am done. So I sent off a whacked out version of my paper to my committee and the program coordinator for the McNair Program. Am I ever going to be done? I was able to download a fix for Word, find the un-rearranged version and send it off. Nope not done yet. Now I need to have my committee sign off on my paper but I am out of the state. Done done done done done. For all of you out there that may have an interest in the ramblings of a fine arts major on the verge of a psychotic break, here is my Abstract, some sections of my paper, and some images.

Abstract

Historically, ceramics, or pottery, has been considered a functional art and is sometimes put into the category of a craft rather than art. Even so, over time certain pieces lose their functionality either through damage or the elevation of their intrinsic value. The functionality of the piece is still apparent, yet the value of the piece as an art commodity changes its usefulness. This paper follows my work titled Dysfunctional Functionality. Dysfunctional Functionality is a small body of work — an installation — that deals with the function of traditional pottery and how function separates ceramics from the fine arts and places it into the realm of craft. These pieces may appear, at first glance, as functional ceramic objects, but after closer inspection they are seen to be non-functional. Function is such an important aspect of traditional ceramics, and by removing the function I want to elevate the ceramic object beyond its traditional function. I also want to connect the viewer to the lack of function and elicit an emotional response to its removal.

Some good bits:

It is difficult to pinpoint where the line between art and function begins. The cost to obtain certain sets of china leads you to think they are art, yet a few times a year they are desecrated and handled by young and careless hands putting them in danger of being damaged. The function is the crux of the issue. So what happens when the function is removed? This leads to the debate over the veracity of pottery as an art form. Pottery’s function separates it from the fine arts and places it in the realm of craft.

The circular form that emerges from the turning of a piece of pottery not only enhances its ease of use but also emulates the human form and makes the form more accessible and appealing as a functional object. Pottery holds such a close connection to the human form that the parts of a piece of pottery are labeled with names that come from human anatomy. The mouth, shoulders, belly and foot are all parts of the ceramic pot. In the process of making non-functional vase #1 (figure 4), I wanted to remove the function of the piece while retaining its reference to the human form. By keeping the aspects of the human shape the pieces are easy to relate to and, at first glance, appear to be functional.

Not until I began developing a concept behind my work did I begin to truly make a connection to my work and the work of others. From that point, my most successful pieces have been those that told some type of story or conveyed a message that was important to me. From my work over the last few years, I realized to effectively get my point across I need to move beyond simply removing the function of the piece. A story needed to be told. I thought about what the function of pottery meant to me and which function of pottery I thought to be most recognizable.... By setting the tea set up as an installation and integrating the consumables that were normally found in the ceramic's vessels I could tell this story. I used tea for the teapot and cups, cream for the creamer, and honey for the honey pot. Because of the non-functional nature of the pieces the liquids that are introduced immediately spill from the gaps and bottoms of the pieces staining the tablecloth underneath. As the viewer approaches the installation it appears to be a normal ceramic tea set. Upon closer inspection the stains and mess on the tablecloth will become apparent. When viewed even closer, the non-functionality of the pieces are discovered (figure 6). The mess created is meant not only to enhance the non-functionality of the pots, but also to create an emotional reaction in the viewer and draw them into the narrative of the work. The response evoked will be different with each person but the result will be the same — to make the viewer think about the work.

Through the process of fabrication, as well as documenting the work, I have come to a better understanding of the importance of art, not only as a creative process, but also as an intellectual process. Researching the art of other potters gave me insight into my own work, and while my final installation was dramatically different than their work, there was a connection between the idea of removing function to elevate the ceramic vessel and the postmodernist push to validate their own work in response to modernism. The concept behind the work evolved continually and I was able to supplement the removal of function with a narrative installation to really highlight the point of the work evolving beyond simple craft. The form of the pottery was still there, but the functional craft commodity was not...Through the process of fabrication, as well as documenting the work, I have come to a better understanding of the importance of art, not only as a creative process, but also as an intellectual process. Researching the art of other potters gave me insight into my own work, and while my final installation was dramatically different than their work, there was a connection between the idea of removing function to elevate the ceramic vessel and the postmodernist push to validate their own work in response to modernism. The concept behind the work evolved continually and I was able to supplement the removal of function with a narrative installation to really highlight the point of the work evolving beyond simple craft. The form of the pottery was still there, but the functional craft commodity was not.

Final Images of Dysfunctional Functionality

Pirates Off The Port Bow!

2010-07-25T13:15:00.001-07:00

So I made a pirate hat yesterday out of paper bags for Moira's pirate-themed birthday party. I actually made two but this one turned out better, and took longer, prompting my wife to tell me that I have OCD and need professional help. It appears that I may be making more as now everyone in the family wants to be a pirate for Halloween. Arrghh! Ahoy me mateys and shiver me timbers. I think I will also buy a parrot, wear a wooden leg and start drinking rum. Yo ho, yo ho a pirates life for me! Pillage and plunder here I come!

Thanks for modeling for me Kyle. Your a true scallywag!

McNair Project Finished

2010-07-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my McNair pieces. They made it through glazing and firing with no problems. Now to send them to Michigan for the McNair conference.

New Ceramic Work 6/29

2010-06-29T23:22:00.001-07:00

So here are my latest pieces. One in progress (teapot), and the rest finished. I am in the process of getting a bunch of pieces done (functional pieces) so that I can try and sell them. I am also still working on my non-functional pieces for my McNair research. See my previous post if you would like to know what I have been doing.

My first attempt at Saggar firing. A saggar is a vessel the pot is put into along with materials that will stain the burnished surface of a pot.

This is one of my non-funcitional pieces glazed and raku fired.

This is a Tromp l'oeil piece that I slab built.

Another non-functional piece that I used to test a glaze.

Above and below: A teapot with a lid that doubles as a teacup.

I have an issue with control and with symmetry. So I was trying to let go of this to try and free myself a little. There are actually four pieces that make up this pot. It was raku fired as well which is very unpredictable and difficult to control. I don't know how successful I was at relinquishing control but the piece turned out nice.

More ceramic works in progress.

2010-06-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I am working on the idea of functionality in ceramics. Traditional pottery is well, traditionally functional in some way. Ceramics has also been pegged more as craft rather than art. I am exploring the idea: if the functionality is removed from a traditional piece of pottery does it become more than craft? Tell me what you think. If I use it in my thesis I will give you credit.

New Ceramic Work

2010-06-01T10:10:00.001-07:00

Nuts and Bolts #6

2010-05-11T01:47:00.000-07:00

My last painting in the series. I think I am ready to move on to something else. Anyway here is the last one. I think it turned out pretty good.

Nuts and Bolts #6

Nuts and Bolts #5

2010-04-28T00:47:00.001-07:00

So I have decided to name all of my newest paintings Nuts and Bolts. Not much of a stretch on the imagination. Here is #5.

Two Completed Paintings

2010-04-21T16:19:00.001-07:00

I actually completed two more paintings. I framed them and everything. Only 6 more to finish before the end of the semester. Luckily I have all of them started and some of them are almost done. Just a little more tweaking here and there. Enjoy. Or not.

Works in progress

2010-04-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

Some mugs that I finished the other day.

A few paintings that I am working on.

My Latest Paintings

2010-03-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

Thought I would finally post my last two paintings. I had to wait 'til this last week as they were to be given as gifts and I had not yet shown them to the recipients (these recipients on occasion check my blog). Do not think that my generosity is exclusive to the recipients, nor does it apply to all of you who may feel that as a relative or acquaintance you merit a finely crafted original Jon Harty painting.

First and foremost, these were assignments for a class and because of a lack of storage space and funds they were given as gifts. The worthiness of the recipients is questionable (just kidding Mom and Shannon), but I am poor and since necessity is the mother of invention... To those of you who have not yet been blessed with a piece of artwork — don't give up hope.

Eventually the mood will strike me and I will come through. Keep in mind that I am a procrastinator and will put off anything that does not affect me physically or academically (sometimes even that does not stop me) so years could pass before you get anything. Clif - send me some pictures of the boys and I will start the procrastination process for you.

Grandpa Francis

My Grandpa Francis' D8H

Its Just a TV Show!

2010-03-06T23:50:00.000-08:00

I have a guilty pleasure and it is called Stargate SG-1. Over the years I have watched an episode here and there but was never truly hooked. At the end of last year, during the Christmas break, I started to watch the show from the beginning on Hulu.com. After a couple of pretty cheesy seasons and mediocre acting I became hooked on the show. I have learned the characters names and if someone says Goa'uld or Teal’c I know exactly what they are talking about. I do not however learn or try to remember the technical terms and intricacies that accompany a science fiction series, nor do I care about them. I watch the show because it is good entertainment, albeit pretty goofy most of the time. I enjoy the goofiness and love it that McGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) is the star. I am still waiting for an episode where he is McGyver in some alternate universe.

Stargate SG-1 is not the only science fiction series I enjoy watching. Some others are: Star Trek and all of it’s spin-offs (except Enterprise, I never could get past the opening theme music), Battlestar Gallactica, Farscape, and Firefly (LOVED the movie as well). As most of you know one of these sci-fi series’ has quite a large and loyal (and sometimes extremely obsessive) fan base that goes back for many years. I did not however realize how obsessive the fans of SG-1 have become. The following are quotes from a discussion board about SG-1. Fan 1: “Doesn't it seem that it is not right to open the people of Tegrea up to the Goa'uld again?” Fan 2: “It's the only way they can get home, the people on the planet can always bury the gate again after the earth people use it.” Fan 3 “I think, too, with them having interesting technology, earth would have their back if they get attacked. It'll be a relationship among the planets, … so it's not like they went behind their backs or against their wishes.” Does anyone out there besides me have a problem with this? I am embarrassed that these fans are out there. Don’t they have anything better to do than immerse themselves so fully in a TV show, I repeat TV show, to the point that it becomes real? To quote William Shatner on Saturday Night Live “Get a life will ya people? For crying out loud its just a tv show”. I am sure there is a group out there at a university somewhere sitting around a cafeteria table speaking Goa'uld instead of Klingon (Watch out trekkies your fan clubs have some competition) and dressing like Jaffa. Is there therapy out there for these people? Because they need help, professional help.

Hi my name is Jon and I am a Stargate SG-1 addict (that is NOT me below, I am not quite there yet).

Caprica - I'm waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

2010-02-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

Caprica is the new series that attempts to rebirth yet another Battlestar Galactica saga. It focuses on the Graystones and the Adamas and the creation of the uber-bad mechanical cylons. The potential for a new epic science fiction saga is there, yet an ignominiously painful wait is ahead for anyone interested in the action and excitement that was the bread and butter of the first two series. One cylon has made an appearance so far and is disappointingly inhabited by the digital version of Zoe Graystone, the dead teenage daughter of Daniel Graystone, CEO of a Caprican conglomerate. The Adamas are pseudo criminals, and so far the worst crimes they have committed have been breaking windows and playing hookie. Caprica seems well written and is well acted, but now on episode five has yet to put out. It seems instead to have turned into a rather boring primetime spacey soap opera. I don't know how much more teen angst and family drama I can suffer through before cylons start annihilating Capricans. I was looking forward to this series but as the weeks have past I have been left napping and wondering when Luke and Laura are going to make a surprise appearance.

Artwork

2009-12-21T20:39:00.000-08:00

Nuts and Bolts #5

Nuts and Bolts #4

Nuts and Bolts #3

Nuts and Bolts #1

Nuts and Bolts #2

Francis

D8H

Pedestal

Click on images to enlarge

"Lurker"

Reductive linoleum print

2008

"I'm Ready to Go"

Intaglio Print

2008

"ATRRG"

Monoprint

2008

"Gordy"

India Ink on Gourd

2007

"Maggie Joy"

Pastel

2006

"Study of Avacado"

Ball point pen on paper

2008

Comic for Argonaut

2009

"Bread"

Pen and ink and watercolor

2006

"It's Not Easy Being Green"

Colored Pencil

2006

"Random Acts of Freedom"

Ball point pen

2008

"Noodles?"

Raku

2008

Ceramic Mugs

2008

"Afterlife"

Ceramic and ash

2008

"Arrhythmia"

Wire, Elmer's glue and grocery bags

2008

“Teapot³”

Slab built ceramic teapot, serving tray, and honey pot

2008

"Non-Autobiolineography"

Oak, copper, coffee patina, and wax

2008

"Entitled"

Steel

2006

"Feeding Time"

Coil built ceramic sculpture

2008

"Puzzled"

Hard slab sculpture

2008

"Recycled"

300+ plastic bottles collected for 20 days out of 24 trash cans

2007

"Pull"

Unfired slip cast clay, plastic

2009

"Reductitive Me"

Video

2009

Additional Images

Farkle

2009-08-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have a new addiction and it's name is Farkle. Farkle is a dice game. I am not going to explain all the rules because you can look them up or play it for free online. Below you will find some unofficial scoring rules. I am a firm believer that the game's original name was much more vulgar. I know this because for a couple of hours each night I sit in front of my computer and play this vile game. If you were a fly on the wall you would hear me uttering "Farkle" in a variety ways. Sometimes I mutter it to myself quietly, "Farkle". Sometimes I yell it, "FARKLE". Sometimes I add to it, " Farkling game, Farkling Farkle-headed game, M----r Farkling dumb Fark Farker.

I can't stop playing the game. It teases me. It taunts me. I even have my set of strategies on how to best play Farkle. They are as follows:

#1. Always push to score on all six dice on your first turn for a second set of rolls unless you have 1000 or more points already for the turn.

#2. Always roll if you have 3 remaining dice (the odds that you will roll a 5, 1 or triples is greater than Farkling) unless you have 1000 or more points for that turn.

#3. Never roll if you have 1 or 2 remaining dice if you have already made the 300 min to bank, except on the first and last turn.

#4. Never use a 5 unless it gives you the 300 min to bank (and you have one or two dice left to roll), you need it to keep rolling (and have not made the min to bank), if you have triple 5's, if it clears the board of dice. For example: If you have 1, 5, 3, 3, 6, 2 on the board, use the 1 and re-roll the 5 as this will give you better odds on rolling something higher.

#5. Never use triple 2's unless they give you your 300 min (with only one or two dice remaining to roll), they clear the board of dice, you are already past your 300 min.

#6. Never re-roll after triple 6's (unless they have just cleared the board of dice). This is more superstition that anything but I find it to be usefull.

#7, If your are under your high score, always push on the last turn to get a second set of rolls. What do you have to lose at this point?

scoring is as follows:

1000 pts to get on the board (playing against someone) 300 if playing alone.
10,000 pts to win if playing against an opponent. Alone you get 10 rounds every third Farkle in a row you lose 500 points.
1’s = 100
5’s = 50
1's = 1000
Triples = 100 x face value of dice. Add that amount for each additional dice of that amount. Three 3's 300, four 3's 600, five 3's 900, etc. This is the same for 1's. 1000, 2000, etc.
Three pair = 750
Straight = 1500 (points are safe)

Farkle is also a popular drinking game. If you are a fan of alchohol poisoning be my guest, otherwise I would advise against this line of thinking. Have a Farkling good time.

Surviving Summer

2009-08-05T20:40:00.001-07:00

So I have made it through another summer of vacation and travel. If you really know me this is quite a feat. I have absolutely no idea what I am thinking every time I get in a car or a plane and travel more than 2 hours away from my comfort zone. There should be a law that keeps people like me in my own state.

My first trip this summer was to American Samoa. Ooooh, aaaah sounds like paradise. Well it is paradise and I had a great time. I also got to spend it with Clif, Julia and the boys coupled with a whole lot of uncomfortable silences, 100% humidity, and a strange rash that has yet to disappear two months later. I really should seek the advice of a medical professional, but it could involve removing my pants and I just don't like the way my doctor looks at me.

Upon returning to civilization I decided to leave it again and head to Oregon. No internet= no Facebook= no Farmtown= Jon goes crazy, don't mind if I do! Proof that I have no business travelling reared its ugly head quite quickly and in less than a week the first mishap occurred. The family and I went out to River Forks Park near Roseburg, Oregon. It's a great place to take the kids and there is a lot of shade. We arrived there with no problems and after a couple of hours headed back to Winston. Stopping at the drugstore on the way back I noticed that the rear passenger tire was low. No big deal, I have a can of fix a flat for just such occasions (fix a flat is standard issue in Harty and Humphreys vehicles). So I check out the tire and I can hear air coming out. I feel around and this is what I find in my tire:

No joke. A 1/4 craftsman end wrench round part first. Lifetime guarantee to flatten any tire. This is Harty luck. Do not try this at home, I am a professional.

My trusty VW vanagon (now with 4 new tires) still had a few tricks up it's sleeve. On one of my many trips to the Winston Public Library, our only internet hotspot in town, a young man knocks on our window. He politely informs us that we are leaking a little bit of oil. No big deal I say to myself, it's a VW. I decide to check on it just to be safe, (remember I am a professional) and leading out of the parking lot the way we came is an automotive blood trail. I quickly check under the care to make sure that I am not dragging some friendly woodland creature. I am not so lucky. A large pool of VW blood worthy of Gil Grissom is accumulating under the engine. I look for any signs of end wrenches that may have pierced the engine block, nothing. I inspect for women's underpants, pointed sticks, walnuts, and labrador retrievers, any logical explanation for the hemmorage, again nothing. As luck would have it (I use this term loosely) my friend Bryce was there to help motivate me to fix the problem. However, as any VW owner knows you cannot just go down to the local Checker Auto and get what you need. Forms need to be filled out, Politicians need to be bribed, and Santa Claus needs to be informed of the situation. When you do find what you need, Bryce points out that the belt that you bought is a millimeter too big and a micron too wide. More forms are filled out, etc., etc. Finally a european auto parts store is located and after calling 100 times in ten minute intervals, the clerk decides to answer the phone. "Yes I have your part, yes Kris Kringle has contacted me as has Larry Craig. Yes he was in the restroom in the next stall. He told me in sign language (by running his hand back and forth under the stall partition) you were calling and asked me in Morse code (by tapping his foot) if I had an extra roll of toilet paper and a 1/4 inch craftsman end wrench he could borrow as he had misplaced his in the tire of a VW Vanagon. So Bryce and I go to the parts store to get the seal that needs replacing. "That seal is round" Bryce says. "The old seal is flat". "That is because there is more than one company that makes the replacement" says the clerk. "But that seal is round and ours is flat". The clerk just looks at him, then at me. "We'll take it" I say.

So we finally make it out of Oregon and to California where we origionally intended to stay for a week or two. Unfortunately after spending all of our money on keeping the VW running I got to stay and paint houses for three weeks. Yeah! While on a job, my father-in-laws Jeep Wagoneer broke down. Guess who was driving it? Give that man a prize! Yes it was me.

Needing a break from painting we decided to take a trip to Vegas our last week there. Tony and Bryce decided to meet us there as well. Steve let us borrow his Montero as our VW has no AC. We get to Vegas and the first thing that happens is the AC on the Montero goes out. Do you know how hot it is in Vegas in July? It is freaking hot. I mean fry an egg on your hood, 5000 spf, want to move to Alaska where I can see Russia from my porch hot. We do need to keep an eye on them after all. This however is not the end of the story. You can probably guess what happened next. On the way to the airport to pick up my friend Tony the Montero broke down on us. Want to take a guess as to who was driving it? The odds are in your favor and we are in Vegas. I would double down.

On our way home to Moscow we had planned a stop at my parents' house in Winston so we could paint it for them. The trip to Winston from Tehachapi was a breeze. Absolutely no problems. We were home free to make it to Moscow. We were quickly lured into a false sense of security. We had everything packed up in our trailer, had all of the lights working, and I even stopped at the gas station to fill up the spare tire for the trailer (professional remember?). About two hours outside of Winston our "luck" started to unravel. The tire on the trailer blew out. It did not just go flat, it blew into a million pieces. So I pulled over on the side of the freeway to check it out. There was no good place to stop. On one side about a foot between the van and the freeway, the same between it and the five foot tall concrete wall. It was ok though, we had the spare that I had just put air in. This should only take a minute, right? Riigghht. I quickly removed the damaged rim and went to get the spare. It was flat. Someone somewhere just thought of me and drew a royal flush.

Anyway (that's for you Erin) I did finally sort it all out and made it home maybe not with peace of mind, but still in one piece. I won't call it luck because I don't believe in it (at least not good luck I am a devoted follower of bad luck).

I am taking a break from vacations for a while. A long while.

Pedestrians Only $75

2008-09-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

So it seems that the going rate for running down pedestrians in Idaho is about $75. Only $75?? What a bargain! Man, I am going out in my Mack truck to get me some footies right now! What the hell am I talking about? I can't run down a footie in a crosswalk and expect to get away with it can I? Well can I? According to the Moscow Police Department I can, and as long as I didn't mean to (no intent) I will only receive a $75 fine and a slap on the wrist. Sweet mercy, who'd o' thunk it!

This new information opens so many doors. I am so excited I think I might have peed a little. The list of possibilities are endless: commies, Clement Greenberg (He's dead? Sucky), abstract Expressionists (sorry, The New York School), Keith Olbermann and my personal favorite- hippies. The list just goes on and on. So next time you are out and about and some footie is slowing down traffic while in a crosswalk, give him a bump, as long as you are willing to pay the $75.

Keep this important tidbit in mind as well: if the peddie is not in a crosswalk (keep in mind some crosswalks are unmarked), they have to pay. Diabolical!

Here is an added bonus on punching hippies. It made me laugh:

http://www.themadpigeon.com/diary_of_the_mad_pigeon/2008/02/this-valentines.html

Disclaimer: Trippin' the Northwest and it's writers (me) do not endorse vehicular assault.

Trippin' Oregon

2008-09-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

The family and I went on a trip to Oregon this past Labor Day weekend. After our first week at school it was a much needed, albeit rushed weekend getaway. The Old Man came down from Coeur d' Alene and made the first leg of the trip with us. I am sure he was just ecstatic to be crammed in a car full of kids again after all these years.

We made pretty good time to Portland and all seemed like it was going well until the hippies struck.

Yes we were foiled in our plans by the hippies of ODOT ( Oregon Department Of Transportation). If you have ever traveled the highways of Portland you may have an idea of what happened to us. The trouble started on our way to Beaverton. We got on highway 26 (unaware of the danger that lurked ahead) and settled in to what should have been a 10 min drive to our hotel. We rounded a bend in the highway and out of nowhere it split, sending us careening onto the wrong highway.

All was not lost if we could find an exit and return to the point of the split. Once again the hippies of highway construction anticipated our plan and promptly placed an exit in our path. This exit wore the guise of one that would return us to our original route, but we soon discovered that we had been deceived. We exited and climbed to the top of the ramp. Turning to enter the on-ramp going the opposite direction we realized too late that this ramp paralleled the highway we needed but offered no entrance to said highway. From our ill chosen ramp the correct route tempted us, but stayed just out of reach and quickly faded away into the night.

We searched for a way back but to no avail. Then a ray of hope! An entrance to the I-5 south! We were saved! Excitement reverberated through our mobile prison. We would prevail over the Communist meat hating hippies of the highway interchange! But, once again we underestimated the depth of their diabolical scheme and relaxed into a state of ignorant bliss. This was a bad idea! We were not quickly deposited onto the I-5 as expected but meandered on an interchange that seemed to go on forever. After what seemed like an eternity we made it onto to the I-5 and exited at the Or-10 exit. Now by this time the forces of hippiedom had us so mixed up and unsure of ourselves that when it was suggested that the 10 would take us to Beaverton the idea was immediately thrown out the window (later we would find that this highway would have taken us exactly where we needed to be). We eventually made it back to the 26, got off at the right exit, and made it to our hotel.

The next day went much better and I have to admit our little unplanned trip did serve as a practice run to the zoo. We met Bryce and Heather Busenbark along with their daughters at the zoo and had a great time. We also saw some pretty cool animals while we were there. We did end up parking in the overflow lot as the zoo lots were very full. If you are planning on going on a weekend or holiday it might be best to park there from the onset instead of fighting with the traffic in the zoo parking lots.

After the zoo we went to Saturday Market with Bryce. This is a must see event if you are in Portland on a Saturday.(hence the name Saturday Market) Here is Bryce eating one of the best spring rolls in the world (only found at Saturday Market).

There are also quite a few hippies to be found at Saturday Market although not the same hippies who built the Oregon highways (thank goodness).

Our last stop in Portland was Powell Books. This is Erin's favorite place to go in Portland. Trying to describe Powell's is difficult. There is nothing to compare it to. It is like trying to compare any mountain in the U.S. to Mt. Everest. There is just no comparison. If you are looking for a book that you can't find anywhere else there is a good bet that they have it. They also sell online at www.powellbooks.com.

If you decide sometime in the future to make a trip to the Portland area, be cautious and always keep a look out for the ODOT hippies (don't think that driving a VW will save you either, it didn't help us).

My a Fat Man

2008-07-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

I received my first blog comment!!! It was not nearly as bad as I thought that it would be. After all my goal is to offend and amuse and it seems that I have offended someone with my awful fatness. I thought that it would be my comment on hippies (kicking a hippie while they are down is quite offensive but amusing at the same time). I still hope to attract the wrath of some truly evil hippie whose scathing remarks will haunt me forever.

So on to the comment. I of course reserve the right to review all comments before I post them (just in case they are not offensive enough) and this one amused me enough that I decided to give it it's very own blog entry. My new secret admirer is Rain Princess. Wait a minute, it was a hippie! This hippie however has regressed so far intellectually that his/her comments (yes plural) read as follows:

your freakin fat

gytghyft6 your a fat man

yourmknoijnlnj your a fat man

0gy2hcrf6g2h65f5g62fdg65h263fy5g623yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy your a fat person

Now I have not edited these comments in any way, this is exactly how they appear and in the order that they were posted. Now let's take the first comment, your freakin fat. Well of course it's my freakin' fat (see how I used that contraction). I consumed a lot of Zingers to get that fat. (for my foreign fans Zingers are Twinkies covered with raspberry jelly and coconut freakin' sweet!)

It should really read: You're freaking fat, as the word "your" denotes ownership (I do own my fat though, until I go in for liposuction and at that point some bio-med waste company will own my fat). Again this is what is commonly referred to as a contraction. On to the second comment. The contraction is once again mysteriously absent. Then something altogether new. I am not sure if this is a foreign language or an attempt to bypass my exceptionally tough filtering system-me. The attempts do not stop there however, they become increasingly complex. NOT! (you have to love Wayne and Garth, PARTY ON!) I think that on the last one they must have either recieved an electric shock (my exceptionally tough filtering system at work ) or had some type of seizure or fit (it is also offensive but unfortunately not amusing to kick a person that is having a seizure while they are down).

For those of you who did not comment, please don't feel left out, maybe I will give your comment it's (again that contraction) very own blog post.

A Little Hippie Art

2008-07-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

I have come to the realization that I am turning into a Hippie. I have avoided becoming a full blown communist meat hating hippie so far. Just the other day I ate a nice medium rare slice of rib eye heaven, engaged in capitalism (I bought a Mac), and then I kicked some hippie while he was down. Lately however my thinking and art has been influenced by some environmental issues. While working for North Idaho College I had an awakening as to the laziness of the people in our area when it comes to recycling. At the time I was taking an independent study sculpture class from Michael Horswill (excellent professor), and I was playing around with the idea of creating a piece out of plastic (plastic drink bottles) that I found in the trash. As I collected those bottles I was amazed and a little sickened at the numbers that were going in the trash on campus on a daily basis, the numbers were in the THOUSANDS.

I collected the majority of these bottles from one floor in one building on campus during a 30 day period. My co-workers also collected some for me in other areas but I tried to stick to using the bottles from that one area. I did use some from other areas to replace ones that I ruined or that were full of some disgusting unnamed substance. While it did not end up being what I originally started out to do (my art rarely ever does), it conveyed my idea in a way that proved to be effective. The finished sculpture called "Recycled" was in the shape of a 7' soda bottle. What I wanted to show was that we don't pay attention (or we just don't care) to what we throw away, and where it is going (in our landfills).

Recycled shown with Artist Jon Harty

The piece was displayed in the Molstead Library, during the Popcorn Forum at NIC, and on Earth Day at NIC. The piece was also mentioned in the Week's Worth News letter published by North Idaho College and in an article in the student newspaper, The Sentinel (even though they did not give me credit, they did showed a photo of the piece).

I tried to put in a link to the original article but was foiled by windows, save me Mac!!! (Mac will be here soon). Unfortunately the plastic bottle came to an unfortunate end at the hands of ASNIC. They moved the bottle without asking and it fell apart (if they had asked I had a plan for moving it without damage). I really shouldn't complain to much as this gave "Recycled" it's fifteen minutes of fame (and it is in google images thanks to Erin). I did repair the piece and even though it was not quite that same afterwards, it was used on Earth Day.

Camping tips 101.1

2008-07-19T21:59:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when you fill your cooler to go camping and about a day in you open it up and a good portion of your ice is melted and your food is all soggy? Totally bites I know. Well something I learned from dear old Mom can help solve that problem. Instead of using bags of ice, save your 1 or 2 liter bottles (I prefer the 1 liter) , fill them with water and stick them in the freezer. Not only does this save you the hassle of squeezing cups of water out of raw hamburger it saves you money. This is also a great way to plan ahead for unexpected trips, especially for you all with 72 hour kits. You can quickly throw them in with perishables and be on your way escaping impending disaster. I try to keep at least four bottles in the freezer so that I can just throw them in the cooler and go (whether camping or escaping Armageddon). For those who have regressed intellectually: DO NOT FILL THE BOTTLES UP ALL THE WAY!!! Remember water expands when it freezes. Do the math (hopefully you have not regressed so far that you can't do the math).

And the Trip Begins

2008-07-19T13:56:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to start a blog for a while so I have finally overcome my fear and my tendency to procrastinate and have gotten down to business. Hopefully I am not too boring or cheesy in my attempts to share my interests and life experiences. I may be too late. Have faith that my following posts will contain information that will delight, offend, amuse, depress (you have to love a good black depression, don't you?), educate, cause you to regress intellectually (make you dumber than you already are), and so much more. Also remember when entering this blog to follow the advice of the wise Michael Horswill and "...always wear safety pants."